13: Daydreaming

Collapsing on the couch, I felt my body tremble from my sobbing. This was all just too much too fast. Was Brooks trying to say Mike wasn’t right for me? Was I moving on from Steve too quickly? Was I even over Steve? Was I ready to move across the country? I couldn’t stop thinking. I just wanted my mind to shut down. Give me a few minutes of just complete . . . nothing. Yet my mind wouldn’t stop reeling. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. Let alone what to think. I was thinking about everything I didn’t want to think about.

The door swung open and Brooks walked straight to me, sitting down next to me and pulling me into his arms. “I’m so sorry Niko. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

"Wrong with you?! Look at me Brooks! What the hell is wrong with me? Am I making a mistake with Mike? You need to be honest with me, because all of a sudden I feel like I'm jumping in too soon. I feel like you don't approve."

He pulled me away from his shoulder and held me at arm's length, looking me straight in the eyes. His eye contact was so intense I felt goose bumps crawl over my arms. "Niko, Mike is a great guy, and like you said, it's been nine months. It's okay to move on from ex's. It's totally okay."

I almost felt like telling him I didn't want to get over Steve, but I knew deep down that I had to get over him. I could never fully enjoy life if I was still dwelling on the past. Fuck, Brooks is right about everything. We continued to stare at each other, but his eyes kept drifting down to my lips. There was that feeling again, low in my stomach. Hot, churning, breath taking. Does he want to kiss me? My mind kicks into overdrive once again at the thought of his lips on mine, overanalyzing everything I can possible think of. What!?

My hand drifted up to my lips and I rubbed my hand over them, as if he was trying to tell me I had something on my face this whole time. He released my shoulders and got up from the couch, heading straight for the bathroom. Dumbfounded, the only thing I could do was to collapse on the couch again. And that's when everything began to happen.





I didn't get much sleep nor work done my last week in Seattle. I'd been having daydreams. So much so that my boss told me if I wasn't already leaving he'd fire me for spacing out so bad on the job. I couldn't get these images out of my head though. I don't exactly know if I want them out of my head. Some would make me smile, others would make me breathe hard, or even cry some. Yet most of my day was spent spacing out on the 'what if'.

"NIKO?! Fuck, you're starting to creep me out."

"What?" I asked snapping myself back to reality as I looked over at Brooks.

"You sure you're okay? You've been spacing out a lot this week."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Really. I just have a lot on my mind."

"Okay, well as I was saying before I realized you weren't listening . . . we have to ship the last of your stuff, and then you're free." A big grin broke out over his face and I pulled him into a hug, whispering a small 'thank you' into his ear. I feel his muscles work behind my hands as he squeezes me tighter and I begin to daydream again. "Why are you so spacy all of a sudden? Is the move freaking you out?" He asked after I realized he had pulled away.

"Um, yeah. I guess. It's a big move Brooks. You're use to moving around with hockey and all, but me? Not at all."

"It'll be fun aright? Has Mike told you anything about your move lately?"

I give him a skeptical look as I shake my head from side to side. "He's coming to DC to help you move in. Then once you are all moved in, we're throwing a welcome to DC party. Just the three of us, and a few bottles of Johnnie Walker."

"I don't drink."

"And I don't play hockey," he laughed as he walked over to the last of my boxes in my now nearly empty apartment. I had worked it out with my landlord to leave all of my furniture behind. It was all mostly new, and pretty nice stuff, so he planned on taking full advantage of it. In return, he was letting me out of my lease early. It didn't hurt either that I was his only tenant without a drug problem and/or having the cops called on them constantly.

Once Brooks began hauling the boxes outside, I pulled my phone out and called Mike. He didn't answer at first so I just left him a voice mail telling him I knew about his 'surprise'. If it was even a surprise to begin with. Knowing I'd be seeing him in two days got me excited though, and I actually went more than ten minutes without drifting in to la-la land. It didn't take long though. Brooks walked through the front door and smiled at me before picking up the last box. I rested my hands on my stomach and my daydreams went in a whole different direction. One in the future.





As Brooks and I walked onto the plane that was taking me to my new life, my phone beeped alerting me of a new email. I pulled it out, planning on just shutting it off, but after seeing the email was from Steve, curiosity got the best of me.

We set a date. Should we even bother sending an invite?

"You're fucking kidding me right?"

"Hey sailer, we're out in public now, watch the language."

"Look at this," I half shouted as I handed him my phone. I took my bag and stashed it above our seats and sat down next to the window. I felt Brooks sit down next to me and he handed my phone back to me, with an empty reply window on the screen.

"It's time to be a bitch. Stand up for yourself Niko. Tell him what's really on your mind right now, and you better hurry up before they tell you to shut your phone off."

My fingers moved faster than my mind did, and I had to go to my 'sent' file to read what I wrote.

No thanks, and don't bother sending me a notification when you get divorced because I won't care then either.

Brooks sent out a low whistle as he read over my shoulder. I looked over at him with shock washed over my face. "That was really mean of me wasn't it?"

"I'm actually kind of in shock right now. It's about time you stood up for yourself toward him. I think I can fall in love with you for that one."

That's all it took for me to drift back into daydream land. Life with Brooks in a way I'd never imagine before, and most of the thoughts flooding my head were those of sexual ideas. Brooks' naked body pushed up against mine. Just the thought caused me to inhale sharply. His hand landed on top of mine. "You okay?" I couldn't look at him, not with his naked body in my head. He's my best friend, always has been always will be.

"Yeah, sorry, just nervous," I mumble as I pinch my legs together tightly and close my eyes. The strange part? I don't exactly want these daydreams to go away.





The tension in my body released once we arrived in the baggage claim of the DC airport. This was it. This was my new home. Two weeks, that's all it took. I picked up my whole life in two weeks, and now here I am. I noticed a shady figure off to the left, and looked over to see a guy dressed all in black, with his hood pulled up and black sunglasses on holding a sign. Veronica and her slave. I dropped my bag at my feet and ran toward Mike, launching myself at him.

His lips landed on my and it was at that point I wanted all of those daydreams to disappear. Mike made me feel wanted, while Brooks made me feel sane. That's how things should be. "I missed you," I mumbled against his lips.

"I think I might have missed you more," he laughed, uncomfortably shifting his legs. I looked down between us and quickly realized how much he really did miss me.

"We better hurry then, eh?" I smiled kissing him one last time before headed back toward baggage claim to grab my bag.

Once we arrived at Brooks' house and my bags were thrown in my room, I settled in the living room next to Mike. Brooks, exhausted from packing over the last two weeks, called it an early night and went to bed. "So is everything okay with you and Brooks?" Mike asked as he drew circles on my palm with his finger.

"Yeah, it was just one big misunderstanding." I think. I still wasn't one hundred percent sure what we were arguing over to begin with.

"Well that's good, I don't think I could handle my girl and my best friend fighting."

"I thought we agreed on no titles," I smiled at him, I didn't have any problem being called his girl, not anymore anyways.

"I can't call you 'girlfriend' even though I tell everyone you are my girlfriend. Just as long as you don't hear it, then we're good. Right? I thought long and hard about this."

"Let's not talk about it anymore, I have a new bed to break in," I smiled devilishly at him and he immediately jumped up from the couch and grabbed my hand pulling me behind him. I was a confused mess, and I realized that as he took two steps at a time heading up toward my room. I craved Mike, yet I couldn't stop thinking about Brooks.