2: Nine Months

"How are your parents?” Brooks asked after half the bottle of whiskey was gone, along with the pizza.

"They're enjoying retirement. They are also enjoying pushing me to get married," I rolled my eyes thinking about the last conversation I had with my mother. 'You're twenty-six years old! You can't dwell on the past forever!' Brooks stood up from the table and headed into the kitchen. When he returned, he was carrying a deck of cards. He tossed the cards to me and then poured another round of whiskey. I began to shuffle and then he handed me my glass. "What are we playing?" I asked once the cards were nice and shuffled.

"Strip poker."

"Ha! Yeah right. I learned my lesson last time not to play that with you."

"Can we at least make out at some point while you're here?"

"You would think after me turning you down for the past nine years you’d give up, but no, of course not.”

“You do know I’m just messing with you right? You’re so fun to mess with because you’re so gullible,” he laughed and I handed him the deck of cards while clenching my jaw. That was one thing I truly disliked about myself, and that was how gullible I truly was. I guess I have Steve to blame for that though, for some reason I eventually believed all the bad things he would say to me. I was fat, useless, not worth it. Brooks didn’t know half the stuff Steve would say to me, but I would never forget the day he overheard Steve calling me fat. I never thought Brooksie had it in him to punch a family member, I was mistaken. Steve sported a nice black eye for a week or two.

“Alright, you ready to go over what’s at stake?” Brooks asked as he dealt me two cards for Texas Hold’em.

“Sure,” I mumbled as I looked at my pocket seven’s and the pile of skittles we used at chips in front of me. “Wait, we have the same amount of skittles right, I zoned out when you split them up. You’re not cheating are you?”

“I gave you one extra, I know you’ll need it,” he laughed and I automatically picked a purple one up and popped it in my mouth. He chuckled before looking at his cards, then setting them back down, looking me straight in the eye. “If you win, you get whatever you, except for anything having to deal with the family reunion. Sorry baby, too many people want to see you, you can’t back out. Now, if I win this is what I want.” He sucked his bottom lip in as he studied my face. If he says sex, I will leap across the table and slap him. I could see in his eyes though, that whatever he was thinking about was something serious. Very serious. I suddenly became scared.

“What do you want Brooks?” I asked after I couldn’t handle his silence any longer. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“One year and five days from today, on June 23rd, 2010, my 27th birthday, if you’re not dating anyone, and I’m not dating anyone, I’m putting a ring on your finger.”

My mouth dropped. Okay he just told me how he likes to mess with me. Obviously that’s happening right now. “You’re such an asshole. Why do you do that to me? You know I believe everything you say!”

“What do you want if you win?”

“A . . . foot . . . massage,” I answered even though I was still very, very confused. Was he messing with me, or not? I kept my eyes on him, but he leaned forward and looked at his cards once more before flipping over the flop. An ace, and two sevens. I looked back at my cards. Four of a kind. I looked up at Brooks and he was flaring his nostrils, that meant he was holding a good hand. Pocket aces probably. I raised a yellow skittle. He called. The next card, a queen. The left side of his mouth twitched up, meaning that card was no good to him. Four skittles, various colors. He brought his eyes up from the cards to look at me and studied my face. I had this hand in the bag, but I showed no signs of it on my face. He called. The river was another queen. I quickly checked, I knew that no matter what he was holding, which was probably a full house, my hand would beat him. He sat there for a moment before pushing all of his skittles to the middle of the table.

“Were you messing with me Brooks?” I asked him before I would call his bet.

“I wouldn’t mess around with something like that,” he answered looking me straight in the eye. I could end this game right now, yet for some absurd reason I folded my cards.


I was four sheets to the wind by the time Brooks collected all of my skittles. “I suck at poker!” I slurred as I got up from the table and took our glasses into the kitchen. “I asked Steve all the time to teach me how to play, but he’s not much better at the game than I am!”

“I taught you how to play,” Brooks laughed as he walked into the kitchen and tossed the cards in to his junk drawer.

“A very long time ago, mind you. We’re not seventeen anymore Brooksie, we’re getting OLD!”

“You’re old, I’m still 25.”

“For another five days, you better live it up.” I walked out of the kitchen and headed out onto his back deck to sit on the bench swing and look out over the lake. A few moments later he joined me, grabbing my legs and twisting me so my feet rested in his lap.

“You still want that foot massage?”

“But, I lost,” I pouted, sticking my bottom lip out for full effect.

“We can either head upstairs and have whiskey drunk sex, or I can give you a foot massage.”

“Rub away, maestro.”





The ringing of my cell phone pulled me out of my sleep and when I lifted my head I immediately regretted it. I hated being hung over. I reached around for my phone and finally found it under the covers next to my hip bone. I hit the accept button and shoved the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Did I wake you?” I shot up in bed and closed my eyes, feeling the nausea swirl around in my head.

“What do you want Steve?” I ask pinching my eyes shut.

“Who’s your boyfriend? And how come you didn’t tell me you met someone?”

“First off, it’s none of your business what my personal life is like anymore, and second off, you’ll meet him at the reunion, so don’t even worry about it.”

“Can you at least give me his first name?”

“Mike. What’s your girlfriends name?” I couldn’t believe I asked him that. It was like I was stooping down to his level. In a childish ‘if you must know, than I must know too’ sort of way.

“Ashley. What does Mike do?”

“What does it matter, Steve?”

“I just want to know. Sorry for still having interest in my ex-girlfriend’s life.”

“Well you shouldn’t, okay? I shouldn’t even be going to your family reunion, I have no right being there.”

“I want you there.”

“Why do you want me there?”

“I haven’t seen you in nine months.” It’d been nine months already? Had I really been this miserable for nine months? It felt like just yesterday driving away from him, packing up all of my things and leaving him.

“I have to go.” I quickly hung up the phone, not being able to talk to him much longer. I pulled the pillow over my head and broke down in tears. Nine months. I’d been alone for nine months. I don’t know how many times I had asked Steve to stop calling and emailing me. There was no way I could get over him if he was constantly popping up here and there. How was he able to find a girlfriend so fast? From what I’d heard from his brother Aaron, Steve and this Ashley had been together six months. Three months after I left him. THREE MONTHS!! Maybe it’s just me, but that was very quick. Almost too quick. Here I am, hiding under a pillow crying because the love of my life is an asshole who moved on from me, yet won’t leave me alone. What was wrong with this picture?

“Niko, what’s wrong?” I heard Brooks ask and then the bed dip down. The pillow covering my head was removed and I was in full blown hysterics.

“I miss him so much Brooks. He’s all I think about. Nine months. Did you know I left him nine months ago?” He slowly nodded his head, rubbing his hand up and down my arm.

“I know. He was wrong for you though. Niko, you didn’t want to live that life with him. You would have been unhappy.”

“That’s the fucking funny thing though, I am unhappy! Look at me! I wasn’t happy in that relationship, but I’m miserable now. Unhappy is a step up from miserable!!”

“Alright Niko, you’ve left me no choice, get up.”

“What?” I asked scrunching my eyebrows together. He grabbed onto my arm and pulled me up and out of bed. I stumbled over my feet, very dizzy from the hangover, but managed to stay upright as he dragged me downstairs. We stopped in the kitchen and he opened the hall closet, pulling my purse out. He set it down on the counter in front of me and pointed to it. “Get it out.”

“What?”

“The book Niko, take it out.” How does he know? I starred at him with my mouth ajar. How the hell did Brooks know I carried it around? Unless he snooped through my purse.

“You went through my purse?”

“No, I just know you. I know you better than your own parents. I know you carry it around. Take it out.” There was no backing down. I stepped forward and unzipped my purse, pulling out the beaten black leather journal.

“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out back. We kept walking until we were on the edge of his dock. “Throw it in the water.”

“What?! No!” During the first year of our relationship Steve wrote me letters in this journal. Some silly, other’s serious, and from time to time I would pull it out and read it. Trying, just for a day, to remember how good I had it.

“He treated you like crap Niko! He called you names and degraded you in front of strangers. He would talk crap about you in front of you to his friends! He’s not worthy of someone as amazing as you!” Brooks began to yell at me and with each word my vision became more obscured with more tears. “It’s been nine months. You have got to pull it together and get over him. You’re miserable because you’re still hung up on him. If you get over it, you’ll see the bright colors of life again! Damnit, I want my old Niko back!”

The more Brooks yelled at me, the most pissed off I became. He did this to me. Steve turned me into this miserable monster. I released a glass shattering scream and threw the journal as far out into the lake I physically could. Two strong arms wrapped around my waist just in time before I fell into the lake myself. I fell back against Brooks’ chest and cried. I cried hoping I would drown in my tears, and not feel the pain I was going through anymore.