4: Reassurance

Data entry. The two words I hate the most in my vocabulary. Having taken off four days instead of just two, I had a lot of catching up to do at work. I scooted away from my computer to rub my aching hand and look at the still very large pile of papers in front of me. Data entry, I hate it. My mind kept wandering back to that kiss I shared with Mike though. I'd been doing data entry for so long, I could do it without even thinking about it. Giving me more than enough time to think about the way Mike made me feel when his mouth attacked mine. It felt so real, but it was meant to be fake.

I glanced down at my keyboard to see my phone illuminated and the name Kelly scrawled out over the screen. Why was Steve’s mom calling me? I picked it up and excused myself from the front desk and answered the phone.

“Veronica, Aaron was in a car accident. He’s in Seattle visiting. He’s at Harborview.”

“How bad is it?” I asked feeling my heart drop to my knees, beating agonizingly hard.

“All I’ve found out so far was a broke leg, dislocated shoulder and a concussion.”

“I’m on my way.” After finishing up the conversation I looked over the counter at my desk. Fuck my work. Even though Aaron was Steve’s little brother, he was like my little brother too. I rushed to the doctor’s office and told him what was going on, he told me to just go ahead and worry about my work later. He was always a ‘family first’ kind of guy, and for that I owed him.

I raced from the eastside to Harborview in Seattle. What was I going to tell them when I got there? Did Kelly tell whoever called her that I would be on my way? Did I have to play the dreaded ‘sister-in-law’ role? I didn’t even know Aaron was in town for crying out loud!

I parked my car and ran into the ER. I waited impatiently in line for the admittance line. I looked around, trying to see if there was anywhere else I could go to get information, but this desk looked like it would be the one I would want. When I finally reached the front I looked at the receptionist, realizing she probably hates her job even more than I do.

“I’m looking for Aaron Jahraus. His mother called me and told me he was admitted here.”

She typed away at her computer, glancing up at me quickly. “Up the elevator to the third floor, room 3002.” My eyes flew open in shock. I was trained in patient privacy, she should have asked me who I was. I was thankful though, I just wanted to see Aaron and make sure he was okay.

I rushed off the elevator and navigated my way toward his room. I walked in and could just feel him in there. I didn’t look his way though, I kept my eyes trained on Aaron. I walked up to his bed and took in his sight. His whole left leg was in a cast, his left arm in a sling and an ice pack on top of his head. “Hey buddy, you okay?” I asked him as I reached out and took his hand in mine.

“Best I can be. I guess I hit my head pretty hard.”

“Looks like you busted the whole left side of your body,” I smiled and a sly grin crawled over his face. He was definitely drugged up.

“Hey V, if I die, will you promise me you’ll marry Steve?” I cringed at his words, and ignored the body now standing a few feet away from me.

“You’re not going to die for a very, very long time,” I answered with the best fake smile on my face.

“You changed your hair.” I glanced over my shoulder quickly at Steve but continued to ignore him.

“You did change your hair!” Aaron exclaimed with a smile. “You cut it and dyed it. Why’d you do that?”

“I needed a change. I hated my blond hair anyways.”

“Well it looks good on you,” Aaron smiled then his eyes fluttered shut. Now with him asleep there was no possible way I could ignore Steve. I turned to him just in time to see his eyes scanning over my body. I almost felt violated. That poor woman he is with, I immediately felt bad for her.

“What happened?” I asked sharply pointing to Aaron.

“Some guy in a truck ran a red light doing fifty. Aaron was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. He’ll be fine though. He’s got a third grade concussion, broken femur and tore the labrum in his shoulder.”

“What are you doing here? In Seattle?”

“Just visiting. We swung by your apartment last night, but you weren’t home.” I shuddered at the thought that he knew where I lived now. What he must think of me now, living in the slums, instead of the beautiful condo we shared in Bellevue. “So where were you?” I rolled my eyes at his question.

“Like it’s any of your damn business, but it was Brooks’ birthday, I was in Wawota. Now that I know he’s okay, I’m going to leave.” I made my way toward the door and noticed he was following me. I stopped in my tracks and spun around and looked at him. “What are you doing?”

“I’ll walk you out.” I knew that even if I told him not to, he would anyways, so I figured the best course of action was to just ignore him.

We remained silent until I was five feet away from my car. He grabbed on to my upper arm and spun me around, forcing me to face him. “I miss you.”

“That’s too bad, I don’t miss you.”

“I still love you Veronica. I never stopped loving you.” I felt my eyes fill with water. I screamed at myself internally to not let him see me cry, but it was too late. I reached up quickly and wiped my tears away before they reached my nose. “I know you still love me.”

“I stopped loving you a very long time ago,” I lied through clinched teeth.

“Well you don’t look happy.”

I turned to walk away but he kept a firm grip on my arm. I wiped away a few more tears and diverted my eyes down to my feet. Why did I allow him to do this to me? To make me feel this way? It wasn’t fair to myself. Every time I thought I made a breakthrough with getting over him, he’d show up, making me regret ever leaving him.

“Leave me alone Steve, please?” I pleaded, almost begging.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not? All I want to do is just get over you. Put you in my past, but I can’t do that if you still talk to me like this! You have no idea what I’m going through!”

“You left me, did you forget? I can’t leave you alone because somewhere in my head I have this fantasy that you’ll come running back to me. Maybe realize what you did was stupid, and that we are supposed to be together.”

“I have to go.” I walked away again, and luckily this time he released my arm.





My hands trembled as I scrolled through my contacts, landing on Brooks’ name. I hit the send button and stuffed the phone between my ear and the pillow. Hearing his voice, receive his reassurance was all I needed right now. I made the right choice. Right? Brooks would tell me.

“Hey you’ve reached Brooks, it’s summertime which more than likely means I’m in Canada and have minimal cell service-” Just hearing his message made me smile, but I still needed someone, anyone, to talk to. Again, for reassurance.

I quickly dialed another number and shoved it back on top of my pillow.

“Hey Niko,” Mike answered with an obvious smile on his face.

“Tell me leaving Steve was the best decision I’ve ever made?”

“What?”

“Tell me Mike. Did I make a mistake leaving Steve?”

“Hell no. Look I’ve only met the guy once or twice, but he’s a total asshole. Why are you so upset? What happened?”

“He’s here. I saw him. He told me he’s still in love with me.”

Silence. That’s not what I wanted to hear. Damnit Brooks, why didn’t you answer?! “Are you still in Saskatchewan?” I asked after the silence was screaming at me that Steve was right and I wasn’t.

“Yeah, you want to talk to Brooks?”

“Please.” After some rumbling I heard Brooks’ voice greet me and I instantly began to cry.

“What do you mean you saw him? He doesn’t live in Seattle anymore.” I went on to tell him about Aaron and how they were visiting. The hardest part was telling him that Steve knew where I lived. I had no idea how he figured that out. Who would tell him?

“I want you to listen to me carefully okay Niko?”

I sniffed a few times before telling him “okay”.

“The only stupid thing you did was not leave him sooner. He really messed you up, man,” the last few words he mumbled to himself. “Look babe, I don’t know what to tell you other than leaving Steve was the best thing you have ever done. I really want you to get over him though, but I’m not going to push you. I haven’t pushed you yet. I understand it takes time, but there’s a certain point where you just need to buck up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You may think you still love him, but he’s no good for you. I want you to think about yourself. Imagine yourself ten years down the road if you were still with him.” I held back my sobs, wanting to be able to hear everything he was telling me.

“Steve has cemented these lies into your head about what you should do with your life. And that’s all they are; lies! Trust me Niko, you don’t want to be the butt end of someone’s verbal abuse for the rest of your life.” The sobs I were holding back came out full force, and I shoved my face into my pillow, all while punching the mattress.

“I love you Niko, you know that right?”

“Yes, I love you too Brooks. Thank you for putting up with my shit.”

“Of course, now I have a question for you. How come you called Mike and not me?” He asked with a hint of sadness in his voice.

“I did call you. You didn’t answer.”

"Fuck, I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"And you'll be okay too. I know you will, I wouldn't think you were so awesome if I didn't think you could get through this. Now take a hot bath, open a bottle of wine, watch one of your chick flicks and then get some sleep." I ended my conversation with Brooks and immediately felt better. I knew whenever I needed a pick-me-up, Brooks would always be there for me. Always.