8: I Need More Tequila

I could feel my soul leaving my body. There was nothing left to me. Just a shell. A broken down shell with leaks on the front of my face. I couldn't even feel myself crying. I pulled the hood of Mike's sweatshirt up over my head, hoping to just disappear. Why did I do this to myself? Why do I allow myself to be effected like this by him? He makes me want to hate my life. I don't want to hate my life. I never want to hate my life. I just want to hate him.

Every time Mike took a step toward me, I would tense up, causing him to back off. As much as I wanted to be held and comforted, he just wouldn't be able to do it for me. I needed Brooks. I pinched my eyes shut tight, trying to prevent the dam from breaking. Apart of me just wanted to reach out and hold on to Mike for dear life, but the other part was mentally pushing him away. Just wanting to push all men away at that point.

I sat on the kitchen counter and cried. I didn't know what else to do. "He's an asshole!" I yelled through my tears at Mike. He finally stepped between my legs and wrapped his arms around my waist. My arms immediately went around his neck, and I dug my nose in to his shoulder. Wanting, and needing the comfort, I wrapped my legs around his waist as well. I was overly emotional and just needed to be held, and Mike was doing exactly that.

"He's scum Niko, you deserve so much better than that," he whispered in my ear. No matter what he would say though, I still felt like I was shot in the chest. I pulled away from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. I nodded my head knowing he was right. He reached up and placed his hand on my cheek, swiping away some of my tears. "I wish that person was me," he whispered.

I knitted my eyebrows together and pulled away further from him. "What?" I asked choking back a sob. He didn't say anything, he just pulled me closer and pressed his lips to mine. I didn't do anything, I just continued to shake and cry, with his lips pressed up against mine. What was I to do? He was the first to make any sort of movement, and it was to suck my top lip between his. I inhaled sharply as my tears became heavy, and kissed him back.

We didn't stop kissing until I heard something fall and hit the ground. I pulled away from Mike and wiped my eyes to look over his shoulder. Brooks stood there, with a brown paper bag and a few movies by his feet. His mouth hung open and he looked from me to Mike than back to me. I jumped down from the counter and walked out of the kitchen and in to the room I was sharing with Brooks. What the hell just happened?

A few moments passed and the door opened and Brooks stepped in. "Please, don't. I don't want to talk."

"I have nothing to say. I just came in to change," he assured me. "Mike though, he's really worried about you out there."

"Did you go to the liquor store?"

"I did, got two bottles of tequila and some movies."

"Chick flicks?"

"Braveheart and Snatch."

"Perfect, thank you Brooks."

"Look, about what happened with Mike, just be careful okay? I don't need my baby being heartbroken again. I don't think I could handle that."

I looked up at him and nodded my head. There was some sort of emotion in his eyes that I couldn't translate. Was he mad that he walked in on me kissing his teammate? I don't think he should be, he was the one that set us up, regardless if it was fake or not. "Brooks?" He turned around from his suitcase and sat down next to me, giving me his full attention. "Are you okay with the idea of Mike and I? I keep telling myself it's too soon, but I've been single for nine months now, and he's a good guy, and I think I might like him. A lot actually. If it makes you uncomfortable or just whatever, you know I won't explore these feelings."

He closed his eyes momentarily before opening them back up and taking my hand in his. "You just need to do whatever makes you happy. A happy Niko is a happy Brooks. Even if it is Mike," he laughed and I smiled leaning into him for a hug.

"Can I have my tequila now?"

"Sure, want to watch the movies in here?" I nodded my head and pulled back the comforter to get comfy on the bed. Moments later the door opened back up and Mike and Brooks, along with three of the other guys in the family, including Aaron in his wheelchair came in and took their spots.

Mike crawled in to the bed next to me, and Brooks took his usual spot between my legs with his head on my stomach. He always told me this was the only way he could watch movies I liked, because when I laughed, the movement of my stomach would wake him up. I always called him a jerk for not liking my movies and sleeping straight through them. Either way, it always gave me something to do with  my fingers, and that was massage his scalp.

Mike wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and we all settled in to watch Snatch.






My head felt like it was full of lead when I tried to lift it up. I couldn't exactly move it. All I could feel though, was a heavy body on top of me, and then it felt like I was laying on another body. I peaked my eyes open slowly to see Brooks' face resting on my stomach, a small wet circle forming on my shirt next to his mouth. I looked to my right and saw the empty bottle of tequila just an inch away from my hand. Then of course, behind me, Mike was snoring and mumbling something in a deep sleep.

I forced my head to look to my left and Aaron, in his cast, was fast asleep on the couch, the TV still on with Braveheart's DVD menu displayed upon it. Why the fuck was everyone in my room? I could still taste the tequila on my tongue, and I wouldn't be surprised if, and when, I stood up that I would discover I was still drunk. Brooks began to move around, his hand coming up to his face, itching his eyes. His movements cause my shirt to ride up and his hot breath on my stomach caused my whole body to tense up. I felt sensations occur between my legs when his breath continued to hit my bare skin. Sensations I’ve never had caused by Brooks before. I needed to get out of bed, and I needed to do it quick.

Not exactly caring about the two boys who became my pillow and blanket over night, I climbed right out of bed, causing Mike to slump over and Brooks to fall on the ground. Once I was upright my stomach flipped and I made a mad dash into the bathroom. On the bathroom counter was yet another empty bottle of tequila. No wonder I couldn’t remember any of the previous day’s events. I was shocked I was alive.

When I walked back in to my room Mike and Brooks were now both awake, barely, and both laying more comfortably on the bed. “How you holding up babe?” Brooks asked as he rolled on to his stomach, digging his face into my pillow.

“Other than extremely hung over, perfectly fine. Whose idea was it to get wasted last night? I’m gonna kick their ass.”

Both Mike and Brooks brought their heads up to look at me. Both confused. “Y-you don’t remember?” Brooks asked just above a whisper.

“Remember what?” I sat down on the bed between them, crossing my legs, trying to get the room to stop spinning.

“Steve asked Ashley to marry him last night.” – “Three feet in front of you.” – “In front of his whole family.” – “Hours after he told you he loved you.” They both explained to me and in one quick flash of my memory I dashed for the bathroom again.

That explained the tequila, and my room filled with people. That explained the hole I suddenly felt in my heart. As I released the rest of the tequila in my stomach into the toilet, anger quickly overtook my whole body. Who the hell did Steve think he was? Who the hell pulls a stunt like that?

I walked back into the bedroom to find Brooks and Mike whispering back and forth. “We’re going to need more tequila,” I announced feeling my tears begin to fall down my face.

“Want to get out of here for awhile then? Head into town?” Brooks suggested and I quietly nodded my head before returning to the bathroom to shower away all of my emotions.

Once I was ready to go, I headed back into the bedroom to find Brooks ready to go, but Mike was still passed out on the bed. "I think he drank more than you last night," Brooks snickered poking Mike in the thigh, he didn't budge at all.

Brooks drove my car into town and we stayed in silence until he reached over and wrapped his hand around mine. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked looking at him confused.

"For bringing you out here, and making you sit through that circus last night."

"You didn't know he was going to do that though Brooks. It's not your fault."

"I feel responsible, for everything though. You met him through me. I want to kick his ass I hope you know."

"I know, but I'll be okay. I've been through worse . . . I think. As long as you stick by my side, I'll be fine."

"I'm not going anywhere," he smiled as he brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my hand gently.