25: Dessert

"What did you just say?"

"I'm in love with you."

"You don't mean that."

"I do, and I have been for a long time. I've been waiting to tell you, and today . . . today is the day."

I shook my head and held my hands out in front of me. I don't love. I don't fall in love. I don't have people fall in love with me. This wasn't happening. I just came to terms with the title 'boyfriend' again for fuck sake's. Love? I guess for a milli-second earlier in the day I thought I'd be capable of love, but now hearing it come out of his mouth, I was wrong. “Not to walk out on you or anything, but I have to go to the bathroom.” I quickly rushed my way out of the kitchen and ran upstairs.

He loves me? Love? Was he serious? No, there was no way. Absolutely no way. I locked myself in the bathroom and splashed cold water onto my face. What I thought was going to be the best Christmas ever just took a left hand turn. A hard left hand turn.

Would I be able to lock myself away in the bathroom until tomorrow when they had a game? Come back out when I know the house will be empty? A light knock on the door brought my heart rate up and I looked at myself in the mirror trying to come up with excuses not to open the door. “Veronica, I’m gonna head out,” Mike announced. I hung my head and placed my hand on the handle, opening the door. “Game tomorrow, so I better get home.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Are you okay to drive?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Are you coming to the game tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, you should. You haven’t come to a game yet.”

I nodded my head and he leaned forward kissing me gently before smiling and walked down the hall. I closed the bathroom door once again and sat on the edge of the tub. Why was this happening? I’m damaged goods, who would want to love that?

Sucking in a deep breath I finally stood up, knowing I couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever. I headed back downstairs and started cleaning up the living room. “Niko.”

“Not now Brooks.”

“Mike tells you he’s in love with you, and you run?”

I turn around and look at Brooks to see anger in his eyes. Why was he angry at me? None of this concerned him. “I didn’t run, I had to go to the bathroom.”

“Which was a lame ass excuse. I told you not to drag him along Niko. I told you not to do this to him.”

“I’m not dragging him along! He caught me off guard! I never thought I would hear those words again.”

“So you never thought you would hear them again, but it’s okay for you to say them?”

“What?” I knew what he was talking about, but I didn’t want to talk about that now. Now when Mike confessed his love for me. The last thing I wanted to talk about was how I told Brooks I might be in love with him. Or I was in love with him. Or I used to be in love with him. Hell, I didn’t even know anymore! I hate the damn word, and the whole meaning behind it. I wanted to delete it from my vocabulary.

“Nothing, nevermind. Why don’t you have a drink, calm down a bit, and I’ll bake cookies.”

“You’re going to bake cookies?”

“Well yeah, it’s easy to do when they’re already cut into squares. Just have to put them on the cookie sheet and bake. No foul cookies.”

“Alright, alright, fine. Just no fires. Okay?” He nodded his head then kissed me on the cheek. We both walked into the kitchen, him going for the fridge and me going for the tequila.



The smell of chocolate chip cookies filled the house and I got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Brooks stood over the stove, his head hanging, and a spatula in his hand. “What’s wrong?” I asked as I walked up next to him and looked at the delicious cookies on the pan. I went to pick one up but it was stuck. I grabbed the spatula from him and tried to use that. No good.

“No foul huh?” I laughed handing the spatula back to him.

“I forgot to spray the pan.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that since the cookies are cemented down.” I grabbed a knife out of the drawer and began to stab the cookies, breaking them up, but at least getting them off the cookie sheet. I grabbed a piece and popped it in my mouth. “A little crispy, but good,” I smiled at him and he bumped me with his shoulder. I grabbed a few more pieces, poured myself another margarita and headed back into the living room. I curled up in the corner of the couch, my knees pressed to my chest as I turned on some Lifetime Christmas movie.

Brooks walked in a little while later and shut the TV off. “Hey, I was watching that!”

“We need to talk.” I felt my stomach drop at his words. He had this all planned out. He prompted me to drink so I would let my walls down a bit. He baked the cookies for me to form a soft spot for him. Sneaky bastard.

“About what?”

“What you said to me a few weeks ago. How you’ll never love me the way you want to.”

“Well I won’t, because we’re just friends.”

“Do you want to love me as more than just friends though? Do you ever wish it was me with you rather than Mike?”

“Brooks. Stop.”

“No, I just want to try and understand. You wouldn’t just say something like that just to say it. There has to be more behind it.” He took a few steps towards me, and sat down on the couch next to me. I pulled my knees even closer to my chest and watched as he pulled his left leg under his body, turning himself so he was facing me straight on.

“I don’t know what to tell you Brooks. I was confused back then. Then I figured things out. Now tonight, I’m confused all over again.”

“Do you love me?”

“As a friend, unconditionally.”

“When I kissed you, did you feel anything?”

“I don’t remember. You told me to forget about it remember? So I did.”

He nodded his head as he looked down at his sweatpants, picking at a loose thread. “I actually wanted you to remember. I always wondered what it would be like if we gave ourselves a chance.” He brought his head up quickly and grabbed on to both of my feet, pulling my knees away from my chest. He moved so quickly that I didn’t even have time to think before he crawled between my legs and rested his chest on top of mine. I felt myself begin to get lightheaded as I stopped breathing. His eyes bore into mine, his right hand running the length of my thigh, hooking in behind my knee.

“What are you doing Brooks?” I asked gasping for breath.

“Trying to find out if friendship is where our relationship ends.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, not even waiting to see how I would respond before he began to nibble and suck. He lifted my leg up from my knee, pressing his body further onto mine. I placed my hands on either side of his torso, squeezing tightly, gently feeling his ribs under his muscles. His left arm wrapped around me and he moved us down on the couch so I was laying down. I arched my chest to push into his, cursing that we were both dressed. Sure my mind was a little fuzzy from the alcohol, and I shouldn’t be enjoying what he was doing to me, but all I could think about what how blissful this was. The bliss overpowered the confusion. How could he go from being mad at me about Mike to making out with me on the couch? That didn't matter. Not now anyways. I'll yell at him later.

I kissed him back urgently, biting down on his bottom lip. He groaned against my mouth, forcing his tongue to slide along the edge of my own. The muscles between my legs tightened and I whimper as he moved his lips along my jaw line to that sweet spot beneath my ear. “Have you ever thought about me making love to you?” He grumbled, the vibration of his voice against my neck caused me to press more into him.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Will you let me make love to you tonight?”

Say no. Say no! “Yes.” It came out as a whisper, but his hand was already half way up my shirt.

“You fucking whore! You fucking asshole!” I jumped at the sound of Mike’s voice. Brooks jumping off of me and toward the other end of the couch. “I stood outside knocking because I forgot my phone, and for some bizarre reason I assumed you guys were sleeping. So like any human being, I try the door and it’s unlocked. Then I come in here to see my supposed best friend groping my girlfriend? How long as this been going on?” His voice drips with venom, and I slowly sit back up, taking my position once again in the corner of the couch with my knee pressed to my chest.

“Mike look, I’m sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up Brooks. Veronica, how long has this been going on?”

I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything at all. Which was probably the wrong decision to make. I should at least say something, anything, but I don’t know what.

“You can both go to hell.”