27: Christmas Revisited

Alright, I'm actually really scared and iffy about this. Brooks is a very confused man, haha. So feedback would be amazing on this chapter. Let me know if I should continue inserting his POV. Thanks my lovelies!!

First off, I couldn’t believe he got her a puppy, and second off, I couldn’t believe I was letting this go on for as long as I have. I already knew what was going to happen. Mike’s going to get screwed over. He’s had enough fun with my girl, the girl I allowed him to move in on. Everything has to come to an end though, and I knew today I had to put a stop to this disaster. I could tell Veronica day in and day out how perfect she is for Mike, and him for her. Yet, she doesn’t know I’m actually thinking about myself, and I have been for the past nine and a half years. Every time I see them together, or when I know she’s at his place, I physically hurt. I found myself spending more time in the hot tubs at the arena after practices, easing my sore muscles. And more and more time restraining myself from beating the crap out of Mike when he talked about Veronica in the locker room. Yeah, sure guys like to brag about their girls, but talking about her ass, and how she stripped for him are things I don’t appreciate being shared in the locker room. In front of me nonetheless. Mike knows I have feelings for her. He called me out on it, and now he just dangles his relationship in front of my nose. That’s why this has to come to an end, she loves me, and she needs to know I love her too.

I sit in the kitchen, and I can hear them having sex upstairs. I grab a mug out of the cabinet, poured it half full with rum, then finish it off with the apple cider. I pop it in the microwave for a few seconds then take it with me outside into the snow. I quickly down half of the mug and feel the alcohol hit me quicker than I would have liked. I pinch my eyes shut and allow my body to sway, adjusting to the alcohol seeping into my blood. I hear my phone ringing just inside the door, and I consider ignoring it just to stay outside, but I had already ignored two calls from my mother. I step inside, just in time to hear an earth shattering scream. Not one of fear though, one of euphoric shock. I finish off my drink before answering my phone.

“Hey momma!”

“Brooks Laich, it’s about time you answered your phone, I’ve been calling all morning! Wait, how come you haven’t been answering your phone?”

“Mike’s here. I guess I’ve just been occupied. I’m sorry mom, Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas sweetie. So I have to ask, have you confessed your feelings to Veronica yet? Because you know, you kind of need to do that before you lose her for good.”

“No mom, I know. I plan on telling her.”

“How come you haven’t yet? When do you plan on telling her? You can’t let this keep going on Brooks, I don’t know if I can handle another year of this. I’m getting too old, and this crush of yours has gone on too long.”

“Well after she told me she loves me, as more than just friends, I got scared, and kept putting it off. I’ll talk to her today though, after Mike leaves.”

“Brooks is telling Veronica he loves her today!” My mom screamed to my whole family that was at our family home. I groaned as she giggled and I could hear my sister wishing me luck in the back ground. Someone cleared their throat behind me and I turned around to see Veronica walk up to me. She smiled before picking up her puppy that I wasn’t aware was playing around my feet. “Alright mom, I got to go. Merry Christmas. I love you.”

I watched as Veronica grabbed some newspapers and set them up for her dog to pee on. I hated the dog, and I wasn’t happy when Mike asked if he could get her one. Of course he would get her a dog, she milks up that sap. It’s so cliché though. “Hey,” I break the silence as I rub the back of my neck, my thoughts quickly shifting to the way she looks in sweats. Even in the baggiest of cloths I could still see the curve of her spine and roundness of her hips when she bends over.

“Hey, sorry if we woke you up. I thought you were asleep.”

I close my eyes momentarily trying to get the image of them together out of my head. Mike’s talked about it so much in the locker room, I’m positive I know exactly what she looks like naked. “No, you didn’t wake me up. My mom calling forty times woke me up,” I laugh nervously. It was the truth anyways. I had passed out on the couch and my mom calling woke me up. That was the second call I ignored. “So, I’m going to order Chinese, then we’ll watch a movie, sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds perfect.”

Sounds perfect. She doesn’t know what perfect is. She always go for the exact opposite of perfect. Okay, maybe not always. When it comes to men she does. I thought Steve was the perfect guy for her. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have introduced them. Had I of known what a pompous ass he was, I would have kept her far away from him. When he asked her to marry him it was the worst day of my life. It was the last day I knew the real Veronica and it was also the first day of having to come to terms with living my life alone.

We eat in the kitchen, and I keep my eye on Veronica out of the corner of my eye. I guess she called Mike her boyfriend and now they were in suburban bliss. I wasn’t exactly paying attention. Veronica got up to take the cartons into the kitchen and Mike looked over at me and gave me a smirk. He got up from the couch and followed Veronica into the kitchen. “I’m in love with you.” The asshole said it loud enough to make sure I heard him.

The rest of the conversation was hushed, and once the mumbles stopped I got up and headed into the kitchen. Mike looked dejected but as soon as he felt my presence he turned around and forced a proud smile on his face. “Do you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“Are you really in love with her? Because if you’re fucking with her, I have no choice but to fuck with you.”

“I’m in love with her Brooks. There’s no question about it. I know it put strain on us, on our friendship, but bro, I’m in love with her.”

“Well she obviously ran out on you. She doesn’t take things like that very well. If I were you, I’d give her time to think, maybe go say bye then head home. We have a game tomorrow anyways.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever, I can take a hint when you drop one. Just keep your dirty hands off my girl.”

I rolled my eyes after he headed up the stairs. I managed to do it again, first Steve, now Mike. Okay, maybe she doesn’t pick the guys, maybe I do. Maybe in some weird way, I pick the guys, wait for them to screw up and then enjoy it when she runs to me to be comforted. Each time I held her in my arms though, nothing ever happened. I was too chicken shit to make an advance. Nine years of being a chicken shit. Fuck.

She came back into the living room and she looked like she just saw a ghost. “Niko,” I draw her eyes to mine but she pinches her eyes shut.

“Not now Brooks.”

“Mike tells you he’s in love with you, and you run?” I don’t exactly know where I’m going with this, we need to not talk about Mike, we need to talk about us. About my feelings for her, but fuck, Mike already ruined it for me.

“I didn’t run. I had to go to the bathroom.”

“Which was a lame ass excuse. I told you not to drag him along Niko. I told you not to do this to him.”

“I’m not dragging him along! He caught me off guard! I never thought I would hear those words again.”

“So you never thought you would hear them again, but it’s okay for you to say them?” Oh fuck, I was in deep shit now. I didn’t mean to bring us up. I wanted to. The one thing I really wanted to talk about was us, but not tonight. Fucking Mike. I closed my eyes wishing I could take my words back.

“What?”

“Nothing, nevermind. Why don’t you have a drink, calm down a bit, and I’ll bake cookies.”

I take a deep breath, hoping she doesn’t call me out on changing the subject. “You’re going to bake cookies?” I release my breath and smile at her.

“Well yeah, it’s easy to do when they’re already cut into squares. Just have to put them on the cookie sheet and bake. No foul cookies.”

“Alright, alright, fine. Just no fires. Okay?” I nod my head then inch my face down to kiss her on the cheek. All I really want to do is kiss her on the lips again, but not yet.

I managed to drink more spiked cider as I ruin the ‘no foul’ cookies. It kept running through my mind. I had to talk to her, and I had to do it tonight. For once I grew the balls to bring the subject up, and I knew come morning, they’d be sucked back up into my ass to never be seen again. It was tonight or never. I finished off my cider and walked into the living room where I immediately shut the TV off. “Hey, I was watching that!”

“We need to talk.” I swallowed hard as her eyes narrowed in on me.

“About what?”

“What you said to me a few weeks ago. How you’ll never love me the way you want to.”

“Well I won’t, because we’re just friends.” Fuck the word ‘friends’, I hate that word. ‘They’re just friends’, ‘we’re just friends’. I was sick of it.

“Do you want to love me as more than just friends though? Do you ever wish it was me with you rather than Mike?”

“Brooks. Stop.”

“No, I just want to try and understand. You wouldn’t just say something like that just to say it. There has to be more behind it.” I walk around the coffee table and sit down next to her, twisting my body so I was facing her. Not only did she have her walls up, but she had her physical walls up too. Her knees were pressed to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, securely keeping them in place.

“I don’t know what to tell you Brooks. I was confused back then. Then I figured things out. Now tonight, I’m confused all over again.”

“Do you love me?”

“As a friend, unconditionally.”

“When I kissed you, did you feel anything?”

“I don’t remember. You told me to forget about it remember? So I did.”

Fuck. I drop my head and look down at my sweatpants. Sometimes I don’t know why I say the things I do. I told her to forget about our kiss because I was scared. I was scared she didn’t feel the same and that I would lose her. “I actually wanted you to remember. I always wondered what it would be like if we gave ourselves a chance.” I brought my head up and locked my eyes with her. Then my body moved so quickly, I had to look down to realize I was laying between her legs, my mouth inches from hers. I ran my hand along her thigh, feeling her body. I like that my body was reacting before my brain was able to think about it. It was giving me a chance to enjoy what I ached for without thinking about the consequences.

“What are you doing Brooks?” She asked, her voice shaky, her eyes boring into mine.

“Trying to find out if friendship is where our relationship ends.” I was shocked by my own line. I wasn’t suave enough to come up with something like that, so I did the next best thing. I kissed her. It wasn’t a friendly peck on her mouth either, my lips were making love to hers. I brought her leg up, pressing my pelvis into hers. I wanted her, no, I needed her. I’ve waited my time. I’ve wasted my time. I don’t care about Steve, I definitely don’t care about Mike, it was finally time to think about myself. I was in love with the woman resting below me and as she kissed me back a small spark in my heart made me believe she loved me back.

I moved her down on the couch as her hands roamed my body. When she bit down on my bottom lip it was as if every fantasy I have ever had of Veronica just came true. “Have you ever thought about me making love to you?” I asked as I dragged my lips along her neck. She moans out what sounds like a yes. “Will you let me make love to you tonight?” I slide my hand up the front of her shirt and stop just below her bra, waiting for her answer.

“Yes,” she whispers, and I continue with my hand, running my fingers over the thin material of her bra. Feeling her nipple erect. It wasn’t cold in the living room, so that only told me one thing, she was just as turned on as I was.

“You fucking whore! You fucking asshole!” I jumped away from Veronica when I hear Mike’s voice. The only reason I jumped was because I was startled. If it was my choice, I’d still be on top of her, calling Mike the asshole. He goes off on this whole spiel, but I’m not exactly paying attention. I’m too busy pushing a pillow down on my erection. My senses aren’t functioning correctly, but Mike sounds pissed. Like he should. “Mike look, I’m sorry.” I apologize, but really I’m not sorry at all.

He talks some more, and I continue to not listen. I wish I was better at reading lips, then I could hear the names he was calling me. I didn’t regret what I had done. Well no, let me take that back. I regret it because of what Veronica will have to deal with now, but my feelings are out there now. She knows how I feel, and I know how she feels as well. It’s time to push Mike in the past and move on with future. She has to see that we’re meant to be together now right? Wait. I fucked up. I follow Mike to the front door and lock the door behind him. I return to the couch and pull a very distraught Veronica into my arms. I couldn’t figure out what was going on in my head. “I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear. The citrus smell of her hair brings my lips back to her neck. She placed her hands on my shoulders and pushed me away. “Niko.”

“No Brooks, stop. I don’t know what this is that you’re doing, but do you have any idea what just happened? What the fuck is your problem? Are you bi-polar or something? This whole time you’ve warned me about not hurting Mike, and now I’ve hurt him, and you continue to put moves on me? What the hell is going on in your head?”

I don’t know! I don’t know what’s going on in my head. I’m full of regret, but I’m also full of hope and desire. Is she still blind? I throw myself at her, tell her I want to make love to her, and she still can’t see it? Why can’t I just yell it at her? It’s on the tip of my tongue. I want to scream to her that I’m in love with her, but instead I watch as she retreats back up to her bedroom. I’m the biggest fuck up in North America. There’s no question about it. Instead of making all the right decisions when it comes to Veronica, I just made all the wrong decisions. I just made her lose all of her trust with me. I needed to distance myself from her. I needed to put her in a safe place so I couldn’t do any more harm. All it will take is one more wrong move, and I’ll lose her forever. I can’t afford to lose her forever. I’d rather she marry Mike and keep me as a friend, then have nothing to do with me at all. Why did I have to be such a fucking idiot?



I didn’t think that she would actually leave. I didn’t want her to leave, but if this was what she needed to do, then she needed to do it. I was her back bone, her support. I had to support her. This was also my chance to distance myself from her and get my shit together. It was a sleepless night, and I had to fight back the tears as I drove her to the airport. Crying wouldn’t be fair. I was the asshole in this situation. We both needed our time, and once I came up with the perfect plan, I would set out to win her over. I wasn’t giving up, I was just backing off. I couldn’t confuse her anymore, or send her for loops anymore. I wanted her to spend time with her family, and really think about life, think about what she really wants. She’s never had the chance to do such a thing.

We stood in the airport, looking everywhere but at each other. “Brooks, are you in love with me?” I kept my eyes down on my feet, trying to hide the shock that washed over me upon hearing those words come out of her mouth. I wanted to shout and scream ‘yes’. ‘Yes Niko, I’m in love with you’, but I knew I couldn’t. What’s the stupid saying? If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. I had to put the ball in her court. “No,” I whispered bringing my eyes up to hers. She nodded her head and looked down at her feet but I brought her eyes back up to mine. “But, I love you, okay?” I kissed her on the forehead and she walked away. I couldn’t bare to watch her anymore so I turned and left the airport. I just told the biggest lie of my life, and I could only hope that someday, she’ll understand why.